Good late evening / early morning journal. I am here in my desk chair awake waiting for 3am EST to be sure that I can pre-order a new iPhone. I know that makes me insane.

I am very sleepy. I haven’t had to stay up for a thing in a while.

I need to go to the gym tomorrow. I was very disappointed today that my insurance doesn’t reimburse me even $50 for my gym membership. That $200 would be awesome. I want insurance like that one day. $200 would definitely almost cover my gym membership just for going 50 times in 24 weeks. That’s just a little more than twice a week to Gold’s. With my going three times a week I’d get my 50 times in less than five months.

It really is GymPact on crack. Entirely subsidized gym membership just for going.

I am every sleepy. I was going to go heat up some meat and rice but then I didn’t. It is too late to be eating.

I need to get back to daily journaling and meditating and lean gains and all that. I need to take care oft brain better.

My eye lids are heavy. I have an entire hour to go. Sheesh.

I want to work at TWiT. I want to volunteer my voice to a blind folks home. I like performing. I am a ham.

I mean am I just being over dramatic about feeling time breathing down my neck? About thinking that major mental illness can snipe me. That is a reality. It isn’t heart disease or diabetes, things that are well known and less stigmatized. People don’t get it. People don’t get the fear of losing myself and of running down this path that won’t bring me goddamn happiness before the randomness of neurons firing decides to rip me out of reality and out of lucidity.

I love my dog. He likes to stick close by. He likes to give me kisses. And licks.

My left calf is bleeding. Or was bleeding. Now I have blood on my right foot. Dunno why. Probably from the yard work.

Hey I didn’t drink alcohol today. I think that is a small small victory.

Wow. I am not even half way there. 750 words is a lot.

I don’t think I’m ready to go back into dating just yet. I have no job. My brain is in scrambles. I kinda just want to get laid

I like girls who are confident who know who they are. I guess that is why I am attracted to lesbians. They know who they are in the face of being different. They know that being who they are is way more important than making everyone else happy. Though being respectful of others doesn’t get tossed to the wayside in this scenario. It just doesn’t take absolute priority.

selfie of miguel a masc filipino man with short hair and glasses in a room with orange walls

59°F

(manually moved here from Day One on 29-Oct-2023)