serious miguel time: i’m estranged from my mother. it’s been many years since i’ve seen her.

it feels like a catch-22 for me. i can’t move on and get my life together (get a job) without talking to my family about what she was like before she got really sick (major mental illness)

but also…

i want that financial/life stability to be able to get emotional stability to handle talking to my family about her. most days i feel like i just want someone here to hug me and hold my hand while i clean or do job applications…

i have a family member from my mother’s side who helps me out with money. i’m so privileged lucky to have this person in my life but they’re also not great with heavy emotions. i wanna talk to them about mom but i’m scared they’ll just brush me off again.

it’s hard finding the balance between letting Little Miguel have time to decompress and breathe and having Adult Miguel take the wheel and do the dishes and put my resume into another web interface