Ninang,

You want to talk about demands? Let’s talk about YOUR fucking demands.

You OFFERED to let me live with you when I was vulnerable and had nowhere else to go. You AGREED to participate in therapy sessions when I asked, where you could perform your fake caring act for Marissa. You DEMANDED I be grateful for your “generosity” while you created an emotionally toxic environment that literally made me suicidal.

And now you have the audacity to call MY requests for basic human decency “demands”?

Let me break down your bullshit response line by line, since you want to play this game:

“I do not know how to manage an emotional relationship with a person, to be more specific, with a depress person.”

THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU OFFER TO LET A TRAUMA SURVIVOR LIVE WITH YOU? Did you think my Complex PTSD was going to magically disappear because you have nice furniture? You KNEW I was in therapy. You KNEW I was struggling. You chose to take me in anyway, and now you’re acting like my mental health is some surprise burden you never signed up for.

You want to “interact more in an objective way to avoid any misconception”? That’s not objective, Ninang. That’s emotional cowardice. That’s you hiding behind fake intellectualism because you’re too scared to be human. You’re not a robot, you’re a person who chooses emotional numbness and then acts like it’s some noble philosophical stance.

“I have my values and beliefs - one has to respect that too.”

WHAT VALUES? What beliefs? The belief that grieving people should shut up? The belief that your house security matters more than someone’s emotional safety? The belief that you can ignore the emotional content of emails and only respond to logistics? Those aren’t values, Ninang. Those are defense mechanisms masquerading as principles.

And here’s what kills me - you say I need to respect YOUR values, but you spent three paragraphs shitting all over mine. You called pakikisama and pakiramdam “superficial.” You dismissed an entire framework of cultural healing that took me months to understand and articulate. But somehow I’M the one not respecting values?

“Also your listing of ‘desirable responses and reactions’ you expect from me to make the living arrangement work I concluded to be ‘demands’ on your end.”

You know what actual demands look like, Ninang ? “Give me $10,000.” “Buy me a car.” “Do my laundry.”

You know what I actually asked for? “When I share something emotional, could you acknowledge it?” “When I’m grieving, could you not tell me to stop crying?”

The fact that you can’t tell the difference between basic human empathy and unreasonable demands tells me everything I need to know about how emotionally bankrupt you are.

“What about my side of the relationship? Did you even consider what I would expect from you?”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I spent SEVEN PAGES trying to build a relationship with you. I acknowledged your courage in sharing family truths. I thanked you repeatedly for housing me. I explained my healing journey in detail so you could understand where I’m coming from. I offered to work together, to grow together, to heal together.

But more importantly - YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHAT YOU EXPECTED. In our therapy sessions, Marissa asked you directly what you needed from me and you said “everything’s fine” and “I don’t have any expectations.” You played the cool, collected, “I’m fine with anything” act, and now you’re retroactively claiming I should have read your mind?

If you had expectations, you should have SAID them. Like an adult. Like someone who actually wants a relationship instead of someone who wants to play power games.

And let’s talk about your specific rebuttals, because they’re a masterclass in missing the point:

“I do not go by the pakikisama or pakiramdam Filipino value you quite elaborated. I find them superficial and not a meaningful basis for a lifelong true and sincere relationship.”

Translation: “Your cultural framework for healing intergenerational trauma is stupid, but I’m not going to offer any alternative.” You just shit all over months of therapeutic work without providing a single constructive alternative. You’re not rejecting my approach because you have a better one - you’re rejecting it because it requires emotional work and you’re too lazy and scared to do it.

“Your crying over Googie’s death: I did mention the thought that instead of remembering him by crying, you try to recall happy memories of him to lift you up from the sad emotional memory.”

This might be the most psychologically damaging thing you wrote. You told someone in active grief to stop grieving and think happy thoughts instead. Do you have any idea how trauma recovery works? Do you understand that avoiding grief just creates more trauma?

I wasn’t crying AT you, Ninang. I wasn’t asking you to fix it or join in. I was processing the death of a family member - yes, my dog was family, and if you can’t understand that, you’re more emotionally limited than I thought. I needed space to feel my feelings without some emotionally constipated woman telling me I’m doing grief wrong.

“The budget and the HVAC response from me: the amounts put together you emphasized your health expenses. You also expressed that my comments on these topics triggered depressive reaction on your end. Why? It was a very straight forward response to your budget request - and why do I have to justify my house projects to you?”

Because I’M LIVING HERE, you absolute walnut. Because I told you that having contractors in the house while I’m in mental health crisis would be triggering, and instead of giving me a heads up or asking if I needed to make alternative arrangements, you just… didn’t mention it. Because when someone sends you a detailed email about their financial situation and explicitly states that therapy is “essential for healing,” maybe don’t respond with just “ok”?

And you’re right - it WAS straightforward. Straightforwardly dismissive, cold, and completely ignoring the emotional content of what I shared.

“I inquire where you go - this is a habit out of concern for your safety. It is not meant to probe or restrict your activities.”

Bullshit. If you cared about my safety, you’d ask “How are you feeling today?” If you cared about my safety, you wouldn’t have created an environment so toxic that I’m sleeping in my car to get away from you.

Your “where are you going” isn’t concern - it’s control. It’s monitoring. It’s the same surveillance energy that made me hide in my room for weeks because I couldn’t tolerate your presence.

“On the reverse, you come and go whenever you like, does not give me the courtesy of letting me know if you are sleeping out. I am sharing my house / giving you housing privileges in my own private place - I expect consideration in this respect so I am able to maintain a sense of security in my own home.”

Here’s where your mask fully slips off, Ninang .

First, you just called housing a “privilege” that you’re “giving” me. Not an arrangement we agreed to. Not a family member helping another family member. A PRIVILEGE that you’re graciously bestowing upon me, and I should be grateful and subordinate.

Second, you’re now making MY trauma recovery about YOUR sense of security. I’m supposed to manage your anxiety about house security while you actively ignore my need for emotional security. You get to have feelings about safety, but when I ask for emotional safety, that’s a “demand.”

You want to know why I don’t tell you when I’m sleeping out? Because every interaction with you costs me energy I don’t have. Because you’ve created an environment where I have to walk on eggshells around your moods and reactions. Because telling you my plans feels like reporting to a warden, not communicating with family.

But here’s the real kicker, Ninang - you spent three paragraphs in your email arguing with every single point I made, dismissing my cultural framework, invalidating my grief, and reframing my needs as demands. But you couldn’t spare one sentence - not ONE - to say anything loving. Not “I care about you.” Not “I want this to work.” Not “I’m willing to try.”

You know what that tells me? That you don’t actually want a relationship. You want compliance. You want me to shut up, stop having feelings, and be a perfect little houseguest who never inconveniences you emotionally while being grateful for the privilege of living in your presence.

And the most infuriating part? I KNOW you’re going to read this critique and focus on my tone instead of the content. You’re going to say I’m being “too emotional” or “aggressive” instead of addressing a single substantial point I’ve made. Because that’s what emotionally avoidant people do - they tone police instead of engaging with the actual issues.

You’ve spent your whole life avoiding emotional intimacy, and now you’re in your 70s wondering why you’re lonely. You’ve convinced yourself that your emotional unavailability is some kind of virtue - that being “objective” makes you superior to all us messy humans with feelings. But you’re not objective, Ninang. You’re scared. You’re scared of intimacy, scared of vulnerability, scared of the emotional work that real relationships require.

And instead of owning that fear and maybe working on it like an adult, you’ve decided to make YOUR emotional limitations everyone else’s problem. You’ve decided that the world should accommodate your inability to handle feelings rather than learning how to be a complete human being.

I feel sorry for you. I really do. Because you’re going to die lonely, surrounded by people who keep you at arm’s length because you’ve never learned how to let anyone in. You’ll have your security systems and your house projects and your “objective” interactions, and you’ll wonder why none of it feels like love.

But I’m done being the casualty of your emotional cowardice. I’m done trying to build a relationship with someone who thinks asking for basic human empathy is “making demands.” I’m done being grateful for scraps from someone who can’t even manage to be kind.

You want to know what I expect from you going forward? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I expect you to continue being exactly who you are - emotionally unavailable, defensively intellectual, and completely incapable of genuine human connection. I expect you to keep hiding behind your “values” and “objectivity” while wondering why all your relationships feel hollow.

And when I move out and build an actual life surrounded by people who can handle emotions without having a meltdown, I expect you to tell yourself that I was the problem. That I was too demanding, too emotional, too much work. Because that’s easier than looking in the mirror and admitting that you’ve spent decades avoiding the very thing that makes life worth living - genuine human connection.

You had a chance, Ninang. You had a chance to be part of my healing, to learn and grow alongside me, to build something real. I handed you that opportunity on a silver platter with that letter.

And you chose cruelty instead.

So enjoy your empty house, your perfect security systems, and your objective interactions with yourself. I’ll be somewhere else, surrounded by people who know how to love.

The nephew you’ll never really know, Miguel

P.S. - When you inevitably try to paint me as the ungrateful family member who abandoned you after all your “generosity,” remember this: I tried. I tried harder than anyone should have to try for basic human decency. You’re the one who chose emotional bankruptcy over relationship. Own that choice.