hello miguel

  • Letting go takes time...

    ...and therapy and time and shouting and time and hate and love and time and crying


    ________________________________________________
    "Temkin used to be angry about how the world works, but he's learned to turn that anger into creative energy, an energy that is the opposite of hate. It is infectious."
    via: Polygon
    (http://www.polygon.com/features/2013/12/20/5219806/max-temkin-against-humanity#)
    ________________________________________________

    The above statement describes me surprisingly well this morning. 

     I am angry at my father for not working how I want him to work. The thing is, I don’t want him to be Superman I just want him to become something that every human being should be: 
    • open 
    • empathetic
    • compassion focused
    • humane
    • secure with himself

    But that dream is fucking dead. He won’t be any of those things. Ever. 

     He will die of age and disease before that dream comes true. If he lived forever and I didn’t. I would die before that dream comes true.

    I don’t think it’s an entirely selfish dream to have. To have a bondable father. To have a not insecure father. To have him be a human being I would want myself to be. To have him be someone to aspire to be.

     But that dream dies this year, 2013. I will let it go. If I don’t I will ruin myself.

    I trust my gut. I never trust his.

  • Google+ Hangout Setup #letitsnow

    To help kill cabin fever and take a rest from all the shoveling, my friends and I decided to play trivia games in Google+ Hangouts last night.

    As with all new ventures, we ran into weird problems. I've collected the issues and their (possible) solutions here.

    Hardware:
    Ideal hardware setup is a computer with a webcam+mic because, as it turns out, the games don't work on tablets or phones. The webcam is a bonus because then your loved one can see your typing face.

    If you don't happen to have a system with a webcam or mic, it's alright! You can use the computer to listen to and participate in the games. Your voice will instead be patched in via telephone. You will need headphones for your phone to avoid putting feedback into the chat. 

    Software:
    In last night's Hangout, the weirdest issue was that my friend had a non-working game timer in Internet Explorer and non-working left sidebar in an older version of Firefox. Based on what my other friends were using, Google+ Hangouts worked well on a fully updated Google Chrome web browser: [www.google.com/chrome](http://www.google.com/chrome) or fully updated Firefox browser: [www.mozilla.org/en-US/fir...](http://www.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/new/)

    Visiting either of the links above will have you download the newest, shiniest, bestest version of these browsers just in case you're unsure about having the latest version.

    This may seem obvious but you'll also need a Google+ Account set up (if you have Gmail you're halfway there! Yay!) and can start that process at [plus.google.com](http://plus.google.com/)

     We had lots of fun playing the different Sporcle Quizzes. To get it started, each person on the Hangout has to install Sporcle from the left sidebar:
    Install Sporcle in the left sidebar by clicking the 'Add Apps' button.

    I look forward to having more fun times on Google+ Hangouts with my friends in the future (with fewer issues getting started).
    This is one of the Sporcle quizzes I thought we'd get 100% on. It didn't happen.

  • HOWTO: Gift an album on iTunes

    A friend asked me how to gift albums via iTunes yesterday, Thurs, Dec. 12. 

     I decided to write it up here just in case another friend or family member asks the same question. I hope you find it useful and that it saves you time.


    HOWTO 'Gift' an album on     iTunes

    Step 1: Go to the album you want to gift




    Step 2: Click on the little down arrow next to the album’s 'Buy' price and below the album artwork and select...



    Step 3: ...'Gift This Album'






    Step 4: Fill out the ‘Send an iTunes Gift’ that appears and you've done it!



  • Sat, Oct 12, 2013 1:15PM

    miguel a masc filipino man is in a room with orange walls and isn't wearing glasses. he is looking at the camera from the chest up and slightly sticking his tongue out. pillows are behind him.

    (manually moved here from Day One on 29-Oct-2023)

  • Fri, Sep 20, 2013 1:56 AM

    Good late evening / early morning journal. I am here in my desk chair awake waiting for 3am EST to be sure that I can pre-order a new iPhone. I know that makes me insane.

    I am very sleepy. I haven’t had to stay up for a thing in a while.

    I need to go to the gym tomorrow. I was very disappointed today that my insurance doesn’t reimburse me even $50 for my gym membership. That $200 would be awesome. I want insurance like that one day. $200 would definitely almost cover my gym membership just for going 50 times in 24 weeks. That’s just a little more than twice a week to Gold’s. With my going three times a week I’d get my 50 times in less than five months.

    It really is GymPact on crack. Entirely subsidized gym membership just for going.

    I am every sleepy. I was going to go heat up some meat and rice but then I didn’t. It is too late to be eating.

    I need to get back to daily journaling and meditating and lean gains and all that. I need to take care oft brain better.

    My eye lids are heavy. I have an entire hour to go. Sheesh.

    I want to work at TWiT. I want to volunteer my voice to a blind folks home. I like performing. I am a ham.

    I mean am I just being over dramatic about feeling time breathing down my neck? About thinking that major mental illness can snipe me. That is a reality. It isn’t heart disease or diabetes, things that are well known and less stigmatized. People don’t get it. People don’t get the fear of losing myself and of running down this path that won’t bring me goddamn happiness before the randomness of neurons firing decides to rip me out of reality and out of lucidity.

    I love my dog. He likes to stick close by. He likes to give me kisses. And licks.

    My left calf is bleeding. Or was bleeding. Now I have blood on my right foot. Dunno why. Probably from the yard work.

    Hey I didn’t drink alcohol today. I think that is a small small victory.

    Wow. I am not even half way there. 750 words is a lot.

    I don’t think I’m ready to go back into dating just yet. I have no job. My brain is in scrambles. I kinda just want to get laid

    I like girls who are confident who know who they are. I guess that is why I am attracted to lesbians. They know who they are in the face of being different. They know that being who they are is way more important than making everyone else happy. Though being respectful of others doesn’t get tossed to the wayside in this scenario. It just doesn’t take absolute priority.

    selfie of miguel a masc filipino man with short hair and glasses in a room with orange walls

    59°F

    (manually moved here from Day One on 29-Oct-2023)

  • Sat, Jul 13, 2013 8:42AM

    I am here in Canada. I just went on a 5km+ run slash walk because I got lost. Today I did not take my medication be

    (manually moved here from Day One on 29-Oct-2023)

  • Tue, Jul 9, 2013 2:47PM

    Yesterday and today suck. I feel very down. I want to be with someone. The Prozac helps. Meditation ha kept my mood up. I gotta bring it back tonight.

    Even running doesn’t help me. I get easily taken down by myself. Stupid genetics.

    I will meditate tonight. For an hour.

    miguel a masc filipino man is sticking his tongue out and lying down with the top of his head to the left of the frame. he is in a room with orange walls. he is wearing a white shirt.

    (manually moved here from Day One on 29-Oct-2023)

  • Mon, Jul 8, 2013 6:26 AM

    I wonder if I can use this app as my 750 words repository of sorts instead of having to login to Penzu.com all the time and worrying about paying for a Penzu subscription. This works on the iPad so I can just type and type and type on the Bluetooth keyboard. I like this idea!!!

    (manually moved here from Day One on 29-Oct-2023)

  • One Minute A Day

    Making new, daily habits is hard, but setting the bar so low that you can’t fail makes jumping the hurdles a little easier.

    For 2013, I have vowed to meditate for one minute every single day. At least sixty seconds of really deep breathing for 359 more days.

    For three days of the week I have found that the best time to get my meditation in is right after a hard workout. I can get in a whole ten minutes by programming it in this way!

    Deep breaths in the moment at least once a day. I can do it!

  • the first one.

    Hello. My name is Miguel Manalo and I am scared.

    I’m scared of starting an importing business.
    I’m scared of clicking the ‘Publish’ button up there.
    I’m scared of practicing my shit French with a real live French person.
    I’m scared to graduate this Spring 2013 semester.
    I’m scared to finish off my first-ever Annual Review (2012).
    I’m scared of underperforming in this internship I just got and embarrassing myself.

    But I am also excited about things I want to do in the coming year.

    I’m excited to learn to plan ahead like a real adult human, but to also accept that plans explode in your face sometimes.
    I’m excited to meet my goal of meditating for one minute (60s) every single day.
    I’m really excited to write morning pages of 750 words a day.
    I’m also excited to create a more formal morning routine for myself instead of the winging it that I do now. Not having to speed morning would be a welcome change.
    I also want to put something here twice a week. Something, anything!

    I named this blog Change Slowly because inertia is so easy. You just go with it and it can carry you. You need to take baby steps to fight off that inertial feeling. God, that sentence sucks. I’m sticking with it.

    Next time: Why writing what I want to do first helps my brain follow through.

    @miguelmanalo

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